Remember how hard you worked on those show-and-tell projects in kindergarten, and how good you felt when the class clapped and, at home, dad said "attagirl"? Men are, in many ways, kindergarteners who want nothing more desperately than your appreciation and respect for their hard work. Because that recognition rarely comes from their bosses, it's even more critical that you give it to them on occasion at home when they do something particularly thoughtful or skillful. Men grow up with cultural expectations to be strong and brave, to suppress their emotions, fears, and hurts, so it may be very difficult to detect this need beneath their stoic armor. But, rest assured, it's there; men can be insecure.
One of the most effective ways to show your love for him is to fulfill his need to feel valued and needed as provider and protector. In a poll of Men's Health readers, 66 percent said they want women to compliment them on an intangible yet specific quality, something they uniquely possess. Be sincere: "I love how you always can make me feel better" is much more effective than "You're wonderful" because it reinforces his efforts to care for you.
Many women think that men don't like cuddling, handholding, and other non-sexual forms of closeness; they're wrong. Men enjoy it as much as you do, but they are conditioned to hide these deep desires to avoid the appearance of weakness—"non-maleness"— in front of other men and even from you. When you display your love in public by grabbing his hand, planting a brief but passionate kiss, touching his thigh with your hand, or grazing his arm with your breasts on purpose, you demonstrate confidence in your sexuality, which men find irresistible.
It's not oral sex or the downward dog position, a new sex toy or lube—not even the prospect of a threesome. It's your unbridled enthusiasm and confidence in bed. Remember that men are action- and accomplishment-oriented. So it is exciting for him to know that he is pleasing you, that you want him and are enjoying him as much as he's enjoying you.
The more interactive sex is, the better sex is for him and for you. Eighty-seven percent of men say "just lying there" is a serious turnoff, and 57 percent say that silence is a sexual downer. That doesn't mean that you need to have an orgasm to make him feel whole. Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself or him. But you'll satisfy him by letting him know what feels good to you and what he's doing right. Grip the sheets. Grab the headboard. Moan into his ear and talk dirty. Plead. Demand. Direct.
"All great sexual encounters deliver a sense of validation that you really have something special," says Prosterman. And your over-the-top passion can help a man feel closer to you emotionally—something guys say is one of the most important elements of unforgettable sex.
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